1. What was life like before recovery?

Life was really dark and really lonely. There was zero substance to the life I was living. I felt stuck and the thought of getting out seemed unreachable and impossible. I had so much to be grateful for and so much to live for but above all of that was this constant need to obtain what I needed to be okay. I was just trying to survive.

2. When did you realize you needed help?

I knew I needed help long before I was able to accept it. I remember being 16 years old sitting in an outpatient group fully knowing and understanding that I was a drug addict. Unfortunately, I wasn’t ready. Emotionally and mentally wasn’t willing to try and live life any other way. It took 10 more years of destruction to decide that I truly needed help. I will never forget the day I asked for help 5 years ago. It was like someone or something spoke through me and said the words I was unable to say for such a long time.

3. Is there someone in your life that supported you in your journey to recovery?

My beautiful son and wonderful family. Though they had to separate themselves from me while I was actively using substances, they never gave up hope. They always answered my phone calls and always said I love you before they hung up. They loved me more than I could ever love myself for 12 years.

4. What challenges did you overcome to thrive in recovery?

Battling this disease, learning how to live sober, and being a mother. It was really difficult to navigate through all of that as it was all so foreign to me. I struggled with negative self-talk. It was hard to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I was a good mother. As time went on and the longer I stay sober the shame in connection with that started to fade away. Living sober became easier and more natural because I realized I didn’t have to be on this journey alone. Recovery has changed my perspective on life significantly. I don’t look at bumps in the road as challenges. I look at certain situations as a gift and as opportunities to grow. Life has been bumpy but I always maintain faith that everything will workout exactly the way it is supposed to.

5. What has surprised you most about recovery?

If you would have told me 5 years ago that I would enjoy being sober I would have laughed. I am surprised at how much I love this life I live. I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

6. What does life look like for you now?

Life is so full. I have my son back full time. I take him to school every morning and pick him up every afternoon. I go to his hockey games and we tell each other how much we love one another every day. My family genuinely wants me around. They ask me for advice. My sister and brother are my best friends. I help run a women’s sober living program and it is an absolute gift. I have friends who show up for me and I show up for them.  I pay my own bills. I have a college degree.

7. What advice do you have for someone that is struggling right now?

We can’t do this alone. We need people. Find a recovery community and immerse yourself in that lifestyle. Listen to the advice they give you and remain open and willing.